Ask.fm may be a male attention-whoring tool, but I like most of the questions I’ve been getting. Take this one, for example:
I am a virgin. My friends made a big deal of it in uni but i couldnt bring myself to throw it away to sluts i had chances with. I still am a virgin and not ashamed, i have passed up plenty. I want to go out with someone worthwhile but the manosphere suggests as a virgin this is impossible. thoughts?
“Virgin” is a misplaced concept when applied to men because it is first and foremost a way to classify women. It is a symbol of youth, innocence, feminity, ability to bond, and nulliparity.
A man’s sexual past, chaste or not, matters far less. ”N-count” is an inefficient measure of a man. Plenty of virgins stormed the beaches of Normandy, while plenty of unmuscled DJ’s who have never struggled a day in their life bang tons of women. The ability to get laid has always been admired on some level and promiscuity is far less damaging to a male, so provided there was no adultery, it never really damaged a man’s social status. For that reason, male virginity was never really thought of as a virtue, either. In this way, “virgin” is kind of like the word “slut”: loosely relevant but far less meaningful when applied to men.
Here is the stigma though: when we hear a guy is a “virgin”, we instantly associate it with him being socially maladjusted. It is simply assumed that in our sex-obsessed society, anyone who has not had sex before must be unable to obtain it. For the most part, it is true. But if you have the charisma and status needed to obtain sex and you simply want to wait for a suitable girl, I see no problem with that.
Now, if what I just said can be counted as a defense of male virginity, I must balance the score by saying I have never personally known a socially well-calibrated man who was a virgin past the age of 22 or so. While I’m not saying such a thing is impossible, be honest with yourself and make sure that “saving it for the right girl” isn’t just a defense mechanism. Don’t shit on my plate and tell me its chocolate cake.
For your situation though, hope is not lost. Virgin men can be attractive, or else how would any man lose his virginity? While some girls might find a virgin attractive, consider first the type of girl who would be very put off by the fact that you’ve never had sex before. It would most certainly be a girl who has had some sex partners in her past. As being the more sexually experienced one in a relationship is a masculine trait, naturally these girls will be put off by male virgins. It would not necessarily be you that turns them off, it is feeling masculine, feeling in control. You should then focus on girls who respond to your lead, your control, and to your touch. If this means focusing on girls who are virgins themselves or have thin sexual history, so be it. This may narrow your options in today’s world, but from this breakdown you can see the speciousness of the claim that high quality women are the most put off by virginity. Consider your ability to be a masculine presence to a feminine girl to be far more important than the number of vaginas your penis has penetrated.
Learning game is simply a tool to achieve your goals with women. Guys who have seed-spreading instincts may not relate to wanting to hold onto your virginity, but you don’t need to apologize for it. I’d simply stop talking about it if I were you, and live the life you want. I sympathize a bit here. Banging a well-worn slut of questionable attractiveness just for the sake of losing your virginity will likely just be depressing, because who you have sex with is what you think of yourself.
Also, while much is said of the ubiquity of modern sluts, if you are really ONLY meeting sluts, consider the avenues you are using to meet girls are flawed. Also, if one these ‘sluts’ you meet has never tempted you into sex, consider the attractiveness level of these girls as well. Has your virtue really been tested, or are these girls simply not that hot? Food for thought.