One Of The Ones That Got Away
College, Winter 2005
It’s 1:50 a.m. and the bar closes at 2.
I slug the rest of my beer. I’m about to walk home alone, mildly depressed.
Then I see her.
The girl who had eye fucked me in the library earlier in the week is now standing by the coat rack, staring at me. I return the favor.
I give a little smile. She smiles back and looks at the ground, shyly.
I walk towards her, mind completely blank.
I stop in front of her, and search for an opener but my gears are gamelocked. “Hi” I say.
“Hi” She says, smiling again.
For a few seconds we are just looking at each other. She has this auburn-brown hair and great blue eyes. Very cute face, and she’s skinny with a great rack.
There was a sort of electricity between us, I can’t really describe it. I hadn’t really felt anything like it before or since. There was just this deep two way attraction.
I don’t know what spurred me to do it, but the next words out of my mouth were:
“I’m about to go back to my apartment. Do you want to come?”
“Yeah” she said, as if she had been waiting for me to ask.
Kids, don’t try that at home.
We walk the four blocks back to my apartment, hand in hand (what can I say, I’m romantic). At one point I pin her against a car and start making out with her. She is an amazing kisser.
We get to my apartment. I give her the quick tour and take her to my room where she sits down on my bed, smiling.
We start making out, I lean her down on her back, but she resists and straightens back up.
We start making out again, I go to rub her tits but she pushes my hand away.
Contrary to what big meanies say about me online, I am not a rapist, so I stop.
I run through all the LMR tactics available at the time. Doesn’t work.
We start kissing again and when I moved to escalate again, she says “I have to go”.
She hurries towards my door, hurriedly putting her shoes on. It was already lost but I can’t play it aloof because I don’t even have her number so I follow her outside trying to convince her to come back inside.
It was just too soon.
I watch her walk down the street into the darkness.
I don’t know what happened. She said she hadn’t been drinking. She could have had a boyfriend. I could have done something clunky and uncharming that I’m unaware of. Or maybe she made a rational calculation that fucking a potential unreliable man was a bad evolutionary choice.
Either way, I would never see her again.
There’s plenty of one-night stands that I’ve forgotten about but this girl pops into my head from time to time. I’d pay a large finders fee for anyone that could point me in her direction, but I don’t even know her name.
Anyways after a solid 10 or so years in the game, it seems the girls I remember are the ones I loved, and the ones who didn’t let me fuck them. So there’s a lesson somewhere in there.